time for bed (david baddiel)

It might seem a bit early on in our relationship to try and climb to the top of what I know represents to many people the top of the sexual peculiarities tree, but Dina's pretty experimental. Throughout the night, she was saying 'Tell me what you like. Tell me what you like.' Sausages, I said, eventually, The Carpenters. Dina thought this was a poor joke, a result of inhibition on my part. She wants me to talk to her during sex. I don't know what to say. This may be something to do with having watched too many people talking during sex. I know what they say: 'oh yeah, baby', 'do it to me', 'do you like that? huh?', 'ooo! ooo! ooo!', 'ja, meine Titten, ficken sie meine Titten', 'hahahaha!'. I can't say that stuff, not without growing a moustache and repainting the flat purple.